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Global Warming Threatens Wine Sippers’ Ability To Be Completely Annoying

 The nose of this wine is very delicate… I detect a faint whiff of raspberry, some vanilla, asparagus, a deep oak undertone, a hint of exhaust fumes, decaying polar bear carcass, and the musk of grimy thousand dollar bills in Lee Raymond’s sweaty palms. According to a USA Today article, wine country may be the latest casualty of increased global temperature. Sure, one or two degrees doesn’t make much difference to a person, but tell that to a grape. You’re guaranteed to get the response, “What the hell do you know? You talk to grapes.”

Wine grapes need an extremely specific set of climate conditions to become a fancy Pinot noir instead of cheap cooking sherry. According to viticulturists, the Napa Valley and France’s Burgundy region are already showing signs of stress due to rising temperature. But as Napa becomes scenic Vinegar Country, other areas further north may become the new wine meccas, such as upstate New York, coastal Michigan and Canada (do I smell a sequel to Strange Brew?) In preparation, Canadians have begun tipping their Moosehead beers sideways to judge color density as it thins towards the bottlenose.

Wine Regions Feel The Heat (USA Today)

UPDATE:

Climate Change Could Decimate Wine Industry (AP)

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